Christmas News Letter Parodies -
The 12 McQuestions of Christmas

Answer all questions correctly to win the opportunity of a sleepover with the child of your choice!

1. The McAndrews, in 2005, have
1. Traveled extensively overseas, including Russia, Kyrgyzstan and Western Sahara
2. Nearly made it as far as Geelong
3. Thought a couple of times of walking up to the park
4. Driven round the block


2. The elder children have
1. Shown a devotion to all sports, in particular Australian Rules, Lacrosse and deep-sea fishing
2. Sometimes been encouraged to get off the couch
3. Walked the dog most days
4. Once or twice been pushed blinking into the unaccustomed sunlight


3. The youngest children, William and Finlay, have
1. Resisted all attempts to turn them into decent human beings
2. Had a very good year at school
3. Started composing their third opera (in the style of Richard Wagner)
4. Nearly learned to read


4. Our dear daughter Fenella, has
1. Done brilliantly at school, and is playing the trumpet like an angel
2. Discovered how to mess up an entire room in under three seconds
3. Invented new and interesting ways of disposing of leftover chocolate
4. Investigated stand-over tactics as a possible career


5. The eldest child, Angus, has once again
1. Demonstrated his superiority in all facets of life, including sloth and avarice
2. Excelled at school, been voted Young Australian of the Year, and turned down yet another nomination for a Nobel Prize
3. Maintained, to everyone’s surprise, an upright and warm stance
4. Impressed his parole officer with his dedication to exploring the limits of the law


6. Edward has spent the year
1. Treading the boards as a noted thespian
2. Treading water
3. Treading lightly in fear of his parents’ wrath


7. Alasdair, the Father of the family, has
1. Shown himself to be the same boring, uninteresting, and unremittingly dull person he always has been
2. Been overseas three times, teaching, attending conferences and giving seminars
3. Nearly finished a teaching certificate
4. Almost learned not to dribble


8. Felicity, otherwise known as "the domestic goddess", has
1. Worked two jobs all year (three at one stage) while managing a house and six other people
2. Lounged about in satin pyjamas eating grapes and drinking the occasional stiff gin
3. Got heavily into tattoos and body piercing


9. In our spare time, we
1. Are honorary members of the Melbourne Rolls-Royce Owners Association
2. Clean the bathroom
3. Discuss post-Hegelian philosophy in German
4. Sing madrigals and 19th century part-songs


10. Our house has
1. Been extensively written up in "Homes and Gardens" magazine
2. Not yet fallen down
3. Developed new and alarming cracks in the walls
4. A good few years left in it yet


11. Our dog, Bishop, has
1. Left plentiful blessings all over the back lawn
2. Bitten all passers-by, some more than once, and been declared a Public Nuisance
3. Joined the Salvation Army, thereby renouncing his title, and annoying the neighbours with his all-night timbrel playing
4. Just farted


12. Our hopes and wishes for the future include
1. Assimilation of all life forms into The Collective, and/or extermination by the Daleks
2. An uninterrupted night’s sleep
3. World peace, or a reasonable facsimile thereof
4. Your continued friendship

Much love to you all,
The McAndrew Clan

[Felicity Prentice, who sent me this, lives in Australia, which accounts for some minor spelling variations.]