Home > Christmas News letters > Alert Readers > 2007 Collection > Raising the Bar

Border of holly leaves

Raising the Bar

Christmas News Navigation:

General Suggestions

Best brag

Three short examples

Full-length examples

From me:

01 A practical joke
02 My grandparents die
03 English Tour
04 Barn swallows
05 Buying hubcaps
06 Group photos
07 Mr. Science
08 Backpacking, Middle English
09 Leukemia
10 Comfort Clothes
11 Marmots and Texas
12 Eagle, Turkey and Emu
12 Accident and Hike

From Alert Readers:
01 In the Foothills
02 Excess
03 Things unsaid
04 11 Kids
05 Multiple Choice
06 . . . bit my ear
07 Facts and Stats
08 Neiheisel Review
09 Family and Horses
10 Sing a Song
11 The Professional
2007 Collection
2008 Collection
2009 Collection
2010 Collection
2011 Collection

Erma Bombeck & Martha Stewart
Around the World
Coping with DUI
Defining Pretentious
The 12 McQ's

Other sections on my web site:
Peace Corps
Web Design
Misc. Essays

Dear Family and Friends

In spite of your overwhelming pleas to "cease and desist" (some of you going as far as to file a restraining order) it's time once again for the annual A---- family Christmas Letter update. Those of you who saved last year's edition know this is not your normal boring "look how great our family is compared to yours" update (if you did not save last year's version as a memorable keepsake you have probably already stopped reading this one and thrown it in the recycle bin).

OK ... to be honest there will be some boring "look at how cool we are" stuff in here (hey ... that's what these annual updates are supposed to do so stop the whining). Like most Christmas letters I will forego mentioning anything that might paint a less than favorable image of our family (i.e. I won't mention Barbara's DUI arrest on her way to her final Homeowners Association Board meeting as President - whew ... talk about an embarrassing moment, Carol dropping out of High School her senior year to join the circus, or the fact that Elizabeth now holds the Monte Gardens school record for number of times a 3rd grader has been sent to the principal's office ... OK, just kidding but I wanted to see if you were paying attention). As usual I will provide adequate "warning" before the boring stuff starts so you can skip right over that section (unless you really like reading about how wonderful someone else's family life is compared to your own).

Things left unsaid section:
This year was unusual as we experienced and learned many new things ... like saying goodbye to Daniel as he moved out of the house and into a new apt, experiencing what it looks like to see where the Sea of Cortez and Pacific Ocean meet in Cabo San Lucas, sitting in the "oxygen deprived seats" at the Warriors basketball game straining our eyes to watch Elizabeth in the half-time show with her "Show Team" gymnastics group helping "I'm 18 and I know everything" Carol fill out multiple college application forms while watching our Amex bill grow proportionally with each "click" of the mouse (5 of 8 applications were UC registrations at $60 each - you do the math. We thought the expensive part of college was the tuition. You have to pay just to knock on the door and there is no guarantee they will even answer).

"Warning ... Danger Danger" you are about to enter the "boring facts" portion of the letter. Do not read this next part while driving or operating heavy machinery as it can cause sleepiness and drowsiness. Read only under a Doctor's Supervision. Read responsibly. OK - consider yourself warned and know that I am not responsible if you get arrested for an RUI - Reading Under the Influence (of boring facts).

For a change of pace we are invoking a multiple choice quiz to see if you're paying more attention to our lives than your own:

Albert and Barbara are still:
  1. Married
  2. Speaking
  3. Breathing
  4. Living with lots of animals
Carol is still:
  1. Dancing
  2. With Kyle (boyfriend)
  3. Annoying her brother
  4. Addicted to shopping
Daniel is:
  1. Working as a computer technician
  2. Attending DVC as a career student
  3. Annoying his sisters
  4. Living with 2 female roommates
Barbara is:
  1. Still teaching / tutoring math as a sub for 6-12th grades
  2. Breaking up fights at school
  3. Coaching Soccer in between fights
  4. Going to France with Debbie in January
Elizabeth is:
  1. Still doing advanced gymnastics
  2. Playing Select soccer (means she plays in the cold winter)
  3. Enjoying 3rd Grade as an 8 year old
  4. Having fun with recently adopted German Shepherd pup
Albert is still:
  1. at IBM
  2. A referee at Elizabeth's soccer games
  3. A better soccer coach than Barbara
  4. In denial of his waist size

Actually all of the answers above are true except maybe the "better soccer coach" that Barbara will argue vehemently (even though she is wrong ... .:) Wishing you and your family a Merry Christmas and Happy New Years!

With Love,

(PS: Daniel is doing his own cards this year - so if you don't get one complain to him, not me.)

[Written and contributed by Steve A. of Concord, California.]

This is one page of over four dozen devoted to Christmas news letters. The main Christmas News Letters page has links to more examples, plus some general guidelines and specific suggestions for writing Christmas news letters. If you have an example, either good or bad, that you'd like to share with the rest of the world, send it to me and I'll add it to these pages.

Problems, comments or complaints? Need an opinion? Send E-mail to:
This page updated: June 21, 2014