Christmas News Letter Parodies -
Setting a World Record for Being Pretentious

Well, well, well. Here we are again. The year 2006 was so much like 2005, it was hard at times to tell the difference. It all started with January, just like the year before. And before we knew it, February came along, and then March. Our plucky yet uber-intelligent and gifted and talented children soon recognised the pattern, and were able to confidently predict April and May, and it was all downhill after that, barely even a challenge. Alasdair, who as you know is a mathematician with a PhD and an office all to himself (which actually has TWO desks in it, BOTH for HIM), soon hypothesized that Christmas would fall in December this year, and sure enough, here I am, sitting here, writing to you, and it WILL be Christmas soon (in December).

Our children have excelled at absolutely everything this year, embarrassing themselves (and everyone else) with their extraordinary abilities. Fortunately they have level headed and objective parents who maintain their feet firmly on the ground. We do, however, have them attend elocution and deportment classes in preparation for the various prize and award ceremonies we anticipate they will have to attend over their lifetimes. They have been enrolled in Swedish language classes for some time, because, after all, we would hate for them to be at a disadvantage when they travel to accept their Nobel prizes!

Even our guests have been outstanding. We enjoyed the company of a young exchange student from Germany for the first three months of this year. He had a simply splendid time here, although his attempts to annex the Sudentenlandt of Tasmania did cause a bit of a ruckus. It was all sorted out in the end, and didn't we all have a good laugh.

We have welcomed a special new addition to our family this year. He is blind in one eye, and has mild hemiplegia, and some dysphasia and dysphagia due to hemiparesis of the tongue, and he has the unnerving habit of urinating on people when he greets them. But as far as rats go, he is one of the most witty and urbane companions we have ever consorted with. The children look to him for advice on so many aspects of their social and intellectual development, and we are more than happy to delegate this responsibility to our betters and wisers.

Well, I could go on, but I don't want you to feel inadequate at this very special time of the year. I do hope that you have reached at least a few of the objectives and performance indicators you have set for yourselves.

Much love to you all, and do feel free to bask in the glow of our glory. . .

The McAndrew Clan

[Felicity Prentice, who sent me this, lives in Australia.
It arrived at 8:30 on a Sunday morning. I laughed so hard the beer came out my nose.]