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Christmas News Letter Parodies -
Setting a World Record for Being Pretentious

Christmas News Navigation:

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Three short examples

Full-length examples

From me:

01 A practical joke
02 My grandparents die
03 English Tour
04 Barn swallows
05 Buying hubcaps
06 Group photos
07 Mr. Science
08 Backpacking, Middle English
09 Leukemia
10 Comfort Clothes
11 Marmots and Texas
12 Eagle, Turkey and Emu
12 Accident and Hike

From Alert Readers:
01 In the Foothills
02 Excess
03 Things unsaid
04 11 Kids
05 Multiple Choice
06 . . . bit my ear
07 Facts and Stats
08 Neiheisel Review
09 Family and Horses
10 Sing a Song
11 The Professional
2007 Collection
2008 Collection
2009 Collection
2010 Collection
2011 Collection

Erma Bombeck & Martha Stewart
Around the World
Coping with DUI
Defining Pretentious
The 12 McQ's

Other sections on my web site:
Peace Corps
Web Design
Misc. Essays

The Prentice-McAndrew Christmas Message

Well, well, well. Here we are again. The year 2006 was so much like 2005, it was hard at times to tell the difference. It all started with January, just like the year before. And before we knew it, February came along, and then March. Our plucky yet uber-intelligent and gifted and talented children soon recognised the pattern, and were able to confidently predict April and May, and it was all downhill after that, barely even a challenge. Alasdair, who as you know is a mathematician with a PhD and an office all to himself (which actually has TWO desks in it, BOTH for HIM), soon hypothesized that Christmas would fall in December this year, and sure enough, here I am, sitting here, writing to you, and it WILL be Christmas soon (in December).

Our children have excelled at absolutely everything this year, embarrassing themselves (and everyone else) with their extraordinary abilities. Fortunately they have level headed and objective parents who maintain their feet firmly on the ground. We do, however, have them attend elocution and deportment classes in preparation for the various prize and award ceremonies we anticipate they will have to attend over their lifetimes. They have been enrolled in Swedish language classes for some time, because, after all, we would hate for them to be at a disadvantage when they travel to accept their Nobel prizes!

Even our guests have been outstanding. We enjoyed the company of a young exchange student from Germany for the first three months of this year. He had a simply splendid time here, although his attempts to annex the Sudentenlandt of Tasmania did cause a bit of a ruckus. It was all sorted out in the end, and didn't we all have a good laugh.

We have welcomed a special new addition to our family this year. He is blind in one eye, and has mild hemiplegia, and some dysphasia and dysphagia due to hemiparesis of the tongue, and he has the unnerving habit of urinating on people when he greets them. But as far as rats go, he is one of the most witty and urbane companions we have ever consorted with. The children look to him for advice on so many aspects of their social and intellectual development, and we are more than happy to delegate this responsibility to our betters and wisers.

Well, I could go on, but I don't want you to feel inadequate at this very special time of the year. I do hope that you have reached at least a few of the objectives and performance indicators you have set for yourselves.

Much love to you all, and do feel free to bask in the glow of our glory. . .

The McAndrew Clan

[Felicity Prentice, who sent me this, lives in Australia.
It arrived at 8:30 on a Sunday morning. I laughed so hard the beer came out my nose.]

This is one page of over four dozen devoted to Christmas news letters. The main Christmas News Letters page has links to more examples, plus some general guidelines and specific suggestions for writing Christmas news letters. If you have an example, either good or bad, that you'd like to share with the rest of the world, send it to me and I'll add it to these pages.

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This page updated: June 21, 2014